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Hilarious real-life parenting dilemmas complete with top-rated answers that reveal the legendary humour and heart-warming wisdom of Mumsnet users.

* When should I go public? * Am I going to be a good mother? * Is it OK to have a glass of wine maybe two? * Am I the only one with ankles the size of cabbages? * When am I going to start blooming? * How do I stop complete strangers patting my bump?

* Is it normal to think random strangers are trying to abduct your Precious First Born? * What do you actually do with a baby all day anyway? * When do you wean and can you do it without learning to sculpt Macca Pacca out of mashed swede? * Will you frighten away your childless friends if you attempt to raise any of this with them?