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Being that I travel to Nigeria quite often, I get malaria almost all the time. In spite of the migraine, itchy eyes, muscle pain, severe fever, headaches, and body aches, many a time I don't take malaria or typhoid medication. Why? Please read this book to know why, and it will enlight you on how people-pleasing syndrome stole so much from me, including my health and my peace of mind.
Nothing happens in the grave. You may take this statement to be empty, until you visit a grave yard. Don't just drive by a grave yard. Drive in to the grave yard. Park your car, and just walk around. You will hear a deafening sound........silence. The sound of fallen dreams. The sound of unran marathons. Unflown planes. Unfinished exams. Uncertified titles. Unsigned licenses. The sound of unaccomplished dreams. Apart from being a Reverend and a Librarian, I knew my mother wanted to become a Professor. She had a Master's in Library Science, but that wasn't enough for her. She was so eloquent, she could have taught English, Philosophy or even Theology/Divinity.........effortlessly. She was born to teach. She was a very dedicated Pastor's wife. She was a Women's Leader. She was a Mother. But as I sat down by her bedside for 6 weeks before she died, as she and I took purview of what could have been, I saw that for 69 years, she was everything but herself. She had just lived for all these titles bestowed on her. My mother died without becoming the woman she wanted to be. A Professor!!! It may seem like a small dream or totally out of sync as compared to being a Bishop's wife, but this was who she didn't get to be. I wish I can tell you that she tucked that dream somewhere close to her heart to probably one day bring it out like a hidden handkerchief in harmattan season, but she threw the dream away. She literally tossed it aside and SETTLED for what she thought was all she could be, A Pastor's Wife. A retired Librarian. A Co-Pastor. As I stared at her groaning in pain one day, I said to myself, "OMENESA, THIS IS HOW IT ENDS. It ends in the grave. It ends untouched. It ends undone." I watched cancer shave off her dreams. I watched pain rape her desires. I watched other people's agendas become hers. I watched her die, literally. That's when I made up my mind, to accomplish my dreams, while I still can, irrespective of who, what, when and how. So help me God!!!
September 2021, I celebrated my birthday in Anchorage, Alaska. After a beautiful dinner, I walked out of the restaurant to the cordial greeting of a beautiful lady who asked me what pageant division I represented (I was wearing my crown). That's when she told me she was currently Mrs. Alaska America (Jamie Lytton). It was such an honor. We took pictures and she shared her platform with me. I gifted her with my CD and previous books which she asked if we could get copies to give to cancer patients. We eventually decided I write a tract of affirmations instead to encourage every fighter in this battle. I believe that words have power to manifest. The words in this tract would be a great source of encouragement to so many. Peace be unto you. #Omenesa
This book is my 2018 daily journal consisting of bouts of depression, struggling with bitterness, questioning God, health challenges, schooling, relocated to New York, stopped being in the limelight as a Singer/Preacher(Focused on emotionally healing), became comfortable with certain realities, healed over mom's death, pitied dad and I who remained, had marital upheavals, divorce threats, my struggle with religion vs christianity, sufferings of PTSD, learning to love and trust again, practiced self-preservation, got a good solid 9 to 5 job and stayed consistent. In this journey, I came face to face with the enemy, and sometimes the enemy was me. The pages of this book reveal raw pain, but real hope. As you flip, you will witness sadness and joy at the same time, but you will join me in laughter on many paragraphs. You will see how having a support system is key to your mental and emotional state of mind. I did not hold back in this book. I served this meal hot, and it is succulent! Do you desire to be loved? Do you want to be healed? Do you want to hear the truth? Do you long for freedom? Do you desire authenticity? Do you need hope? Do these words resonate with you? Grief, Content, Self-Care, Divorce, Bitterness, Invalidation, Authenticity, Broke, Self-Control, Temper, Loneliness, Marriage, Heaviness, Addiction, Doubt in God, Restoration, Stress, Death, Hospice, Emotional Baggage.......If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you're holding the right book. Enjoy!
I started writing this book on my plane to Paris. I was sitting down on that chair extremely proud of myself. Taking myself to France was a gift I gave myself for enduring the flames of hell. I lived in it for a very long time, but I eventually got out of it, and it was not without a fight. You see, hell is furious that you are still alive. It does not understand how you've been able to survive 3rd degree burns. Hell is not your friend. Some people are born into it, while others bring it upon themselves via negative behavioral patterns. Sin. Wide open doors. Unshut windows. Unforgiveness. Bitterness. Preconceived notions. Assumptions. Carelessness. Abuse. Murder. Depression. Gossip. Slander. Covetousness. Jealousy, Self Defeating Mentality, Generational Baggage and so on. These are a few combustible reasons for the bombings in some people's lives. Anything that sets you on fire is wicked, and many of us are glazed in petrol, attracting chaos into our lives. Some of us are combustible, inflammatory, rabble-rousing, provocative, agitational, seditious, subversive, insurrectionary, arousing, stirring, contentious, controversial, and addicted. In retrospect, some people were thrown into hell, beyond their control, which changed their identity to mimic their environment. It is just a vicious cycle. Either which way, it's imperative to get compensated for all the hell you have been through. You can't keep enduring pain(Whether imposed or self induced) for no recompense. The time has come for you to get out of hell. However, you must also know that God may not be willing to give you an exit route now, because there is a process of purification and refining going on in you. So you may have to stay there for a while. Whatever the case, you will leave eventually. When that happens, I do not promise that you wouldn't have painful scars, but the pages in this book will teach you how to get paid for the treacherous journey you have had to trod along the years. Nevertheless, you will come out pure as gold.
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