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As Barney Thomson is closing up the barbershop for the night, an old man enters looking for a Cary Grant cut and a bit of a chat. The following day, Barney discovers that his late night customer was the captain of a fishing trawler which had been found abandoned on the Clyde over one hundred years ago.

Searching for answers to his tortured, murder-filled existence, Barney Thomsn is drawn to take a job in London. Such is Barney's fate, that just as he arrives, a serial killer by the name of Harlequin Sweetlips begins to run amok among executives of Bethlehem's company. Suddenly, Barney is again in the middle of a multiple murder investigation.

When his latest book is shelved due to government interference, Lake Weston a Bob Dylan-addicted children's author decides that it is time to stand up for personal rights. The book within a month is banned under an obscure paragraph of anti-terror legislation. The media is curious about the author of the book; the government, however, knows.

Barney Thomson is a restless soul in search of a quiet town in which to settle. He thinks he might just have found it in Millport on the Isle of Cumbrae and life can at last bring him some peace. It might have done, but for things like the dead body at the bottom of the stairs, and the ghost tormented for all time to go to the bathroom.

Following his previous involvement with a branch of Murderer's Anonymous, which ended with him dead at the foot of a cliff and his brain stored in a jar, Barney Thomson's future seemed bleak. However, for no reason, suddenly he is back, plucked from the grave to be the personal barber to the First Minister of the Scottish Executive.

In trying to come to terms with his murder-ridden past, Barney foolishly joins the nearest branch of Murderer's Anonymous, bringing him once more into contact with the criminally insane. In minutes, there is a killer reducing the population of Glasgow on a daily basis, and Barney is soon caught up in this tangled web of death, butchery and Elvis.