Island of Broken Biscuits

In the Waterways Department of the Irish Government, an employee discovers that his last four Hobnobs have been stolen. At approximately the same time, twenty miles away, twenty three packets of Rich Tea biscuits have been lifted from a supermarket in Ashbourne. This is unprecedented in Irish and, indeed, world history. Chief Inspector Jacobs, who had helped to solve the infamous Chocolate Digestive theft of 1994, is summoned to solve the crime before the social order crumbles.
Can Jacobs wrap up the case and drag Ireland back from the brink of anarchy? How do they get the figs into the fig rolls? And what is the lighthouse thing about?

The Island of Broken Biscuits is a comic novel set over five days. It holds the World Record for mentions of Custard Creams (55) and has been rejected by many, many publishers.