Does God Have a Butthole?

Nobody has all the answers but, when it comes to issues concerning today's evangelical Christian, Dr. Dale has most of them. From his humble beginnings as a street preacher and founding member of the trinity-themed Christian rock group, Threesus, Dr. Dale has become the go-to source for Christians looking for answers to questions about everything from abortion to gay marriage to gay abortion. What does Dr. Dale say about climate change? "Seriously, that's another thing they're pushing. Stop eating meat so we can get rid of all the cows because their intestinal gas is heating up the planet. Hey, you know what other creature emits intestinal gas? Humans! Especially humans eating a bunch of bean curd because we got rid of all the meat!" Masturbation? "When it comes to the subject of masturbation, it's a bit of a gray area. Especially when you get to be my age, LOL. Seriously, the whole damn area is gray. They should make a special version of Just for Men for your nether regions because, trust me, you can't just use the regular kind down there. It burns like a lap dance from Joan of Arc."
The woke agenda? "This is all part of that Critical Race Theory, designed by the far left as a means of vilifying White people and rewriting history. Every time you turn around (and I don't know about you, but I turn around a lot) they're telling us that Christopher Columbus was a rapist or that George Washington was a slave owner. They're straight up trying to ruin our childhoods. Next thing you know they'll be saying that Elvis was Filipino or that Scooby Doo was just two cartoon midgets in a dog costume."
If you've got questions, get your answers from a certified expert because, while the Lord may work in mysterious ways, Dr. Dale prefers to quote from the Bible and shoot from the hip.